I am 25 years old from Syria⠀
When I was 10, my mother died & my father married. My siblings were young, one was 9 months old. My father often travelled so I had responsibility from when I was 11. ⠀
When I was 14 they made a swap, they got a bride for my brother & gave me to a man 16 years older than me. I was scared, I ran away & hid at the neighbours house. ⠀
I was forced to get married, he was a lot older than me & was married before. I was only a child, I didn’t know anything. ⠀
I studied in secret, I didn’t tell anybody. I was not allowed to, but I would go when he was away. But when I was 17, I had a baby, I couldn’t study anymore. My life stayed that way, I had another baby & responsibilities. He kept travelling out of the country & I was living with his parents & 14 other people. ⠀
That was my life. No childhood, no life, no girls life, always responsibilities.⠀
When the war first started, the power went, the water was cut off, & the bread was cut off. We were scared. The bombing & explosions at first was far away from us. We didn’t think we needed to leave our houses.⠀
Then each day it got closer until it was in the area where we live. They took the hospitals & schools. We heard explosions & could see explosions in front of us, we would hide in our houses.⠀
We were living in fear, we were scared for our life. ⠀
The area was full of ISIS. It was forbidden for us, really to even breathe, we were forbidden to leave the house. We stayed like this for one month. I started making dough with my own hands, I didn’t know how to do this but I made bread, small bread for my children to eat.⠀
We arranged to meet my husband so he could take us out, when we went to the place we had planned to meet I saw him coming, & behind him was a fire, it looked like a car abandoned, I saw my husband fall to the ground. He got shot in his waist. ⠀
We had to stay for a month, to help him to get better, to be able to stand with a cane for his legs. I was eight months pregnant and I had three children. My husband could not work, I have to provide everything for my family.⠀
We left Syria for the Jordanian border & were told we had to go to the refugee camp. I never pictured I could live in the camp. I couldn’t imagine that at all. But we didn’t have any options.
They put us with more than 100 people in a truck, packed like sheep. I couldn’t see my kids, it was dark. I put my hands on their noses to check they are breathing, and its ok they are alive.
We got to the border of the camp, I felt something was happening with the baby. When I put my hand on my caesarian wound I felt something coming out, that there is something that is not normal. At that time I felt that I am bleeding then after that I didn’t feel anything.
Then the Jordanian soldiers came and took us to the hospital.
At first, they told me my baby died
I was in a coma for 4 days. I didn’t feel anything at this time.
Then God gave me strength & I felt somebody tell me the coma is finished, your children need you
Then I found out they had put my little son in the nursery, he was alive
The doctors that delivered my baby, & did my operation were surprised that I was still alive. The womb was open from the inside, they hadn't put the knife to me and my baby was out. They said it was a miracle, how is he alive, its a miracle!
In the camp, it is very difficult. For example, just to get water to drink, you have to walk to an area far away, and we have to stand in line to get bread, stand in line to get anything. Even the children are living a life without rules, like they don't get attention, or house or a stable life. There is no system for living
I was unable to live there at the camp. We left, and went to the city and lived a while with some people we know. My husband had to use the cane just to walk.
We found a house & I started working to afford the rent. The owner of the house let me work as servant, helping his wife with the cooking & cleaning.
After some time, I told him that I help his wife & he only gives me a very small amount. He said that it’s a shame for you to work, you are a young girl & you are very beautiful, I will give you whatever you want. And then he tried to have sex with me.
When he spoke to me like this, I don’t know what to do, I told him I don’t want to do that, I didn’t let him touch me at all, he tried but I didn’t let him do that.
I felt that was it, my life was over, there is nothing more. I felt that there is no hope at all.
I was blaming God & asking him why do you let me in this situation. What I will do?
I went to cut my veins, I beat myself, I said it’s finished, I don’t want to live anymore, whatever happens, happens.
But one day I went out to buy some bread, I was near the front of a church, it was very hot. There was a man standing there, he called me, ‘sister drink some water, you look tired’. He gave me some water & asked if I had registered my baby with the church for diapers and milk. I told him no.
I went into the church & met some ladies & they gave things for the baby. I told them all that had happened to me.
They stood with me, there was nobody else.
The ladies all told me this is not the end of your life, they helped me to find a house near the church.
I never thought I could ask anybody for anything, not a single thing, except the church. My life is different, it’s become better.
When people see me happy, they think there isn't any struggle in the world, but they don't know what I have been through.
I wish that my children don’t live like the other people that kill each other. My children are now studying & go to school.
If the church wasn't here I don't know what would have happened to me & my children.
All the trouble that happened was so I would come closer to the church & the man came & gave me water & helped me, its like everything was planned.